Updates

~~ Its weird how sometimes you will you end becoming the very thing you hate . After understanding how Indian IT service industry works I was sure of one thing ,that I did not want to become a manager .The reason for this was that he was usually one of the most hated .People would be spewing venom against him left and right and he would be made fun of like anything .Yes ,this  holds true for any manager in any industry .But then I have only worked in IT and I could see that within six years ( now eight years ) a person would be promoted to manager where he would have no really discernible work ,where he does not require any talent .But can boss around people and be hated by absolutely everyone . Well although I still do not want to be a manager and want to go in more technical line ,Say Technical Architect or so .I realized  Yesterday that I might already have become that person whom everyone hates or well at least dislikes .I guess I fared OK with my superiors and some of my colleagues but may be people who are juniors to me ,guys who well per se I was supposed to mentor seemed to have not formed any kind of bond with me ( perhaps concealed hatred :P ) I guess I already suffered worst of being a manager without perks like pay hike or title or bossing around people..:P . This was all deducted and brought about by the fact .That when I sent my last day mail It did not evoke any response not even a courtesy 'All the Best '..:P ( To be fair I do the same thing to everyone :P) Thing that troubles me here is ,That as a person I am neither affable nor amiable .My initial assumption was since I am shy and introverted not many people know me and therefore have a negative impression about me .But now I am pretty sure ,anyone having a chance to know me also would not be able to form any kind of bond with me . I feel I am dead, there are very very few things which excite me .I find most of the topics of discussion boring including sports , small talk ,weather discussion ,general discussion which would be of no consequence or will not lead anywhere ,Personal experience from which I have no take away .That pretty much includes what anyone would ever talk about. I am usually completely devoid of any kind of emotions unless of course it's a negative emotions.. I do not seem to have any particular goal to look forward to ,I cannot justify my existence ,I do not see why I have to live except perhaps to  not cause pain to people who love me and or need me . Sigh !! ..I crib too much .That's very unlike me or rather that was very unlike me..arghhh..

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