EGO - ?

If you know me ,you would have safely assumed by now that I have a bloated ego,which I would not deny (for time being)...Needless to say I have heard more than couple of times tat I have an inflated ego or that I am very rude bla bla..However one recent incident helped me introspect myself better...

It all came up when I was invited to one of my friend's wedding..It was suppose to be sort of cool grand reunion for my class mates..

It was day before wedding and I was travelling with one of my other classmate..and she was so excited about the wedding..she started discussing what gift to buy and where we would meet n all ,before I broke it to her that I would not be coming to the wedding .After punching me in shoulder she let me explain that I was not personally invited ..I had just got a mail..( not a personal one either :P )..She understood my point but insisted I come..needless to say I did not go..and it was a fair event and everyone had a galla time...


So ask my other friend how was it and she told me queerest thing..she said it was fun and all but 'dude' said that you were the only one who did not come..everyone else had come..

I was bit taken aback by that..I had not expected him to notice that or even expect me there ..Anyway I explained to her also why I did not go to the wedding..and she iterated the thing I have been hearing for quite some time now .."you big ego headed doofus.."..Later I came to know he was very busy on wedding prep and he had not actually called many people..all of them were invited through the same mail that I had received ..and as usual I was the only one to interpret it in different manner..


On more introspection I realized its not (issue )that I have a gigantic ego (which I may or may not ) its that I have an even bigger inferiority complex..

I automatically assume that I may not be needed or desired there..it is just the social obligation that I got the invitation..

This is a big break through for me,realizing its not my ego it has always been my inferiority complex..


So to all of you ( who would not be reading muhahaha ..) the reason I did not come on your stupid awesome trip..or to your wedding or to you house warming party or that I do not socialize with you..its all because of my inferiority complex..Which I agree is bad but unlike as in earlier case..I cannot be held responsible for it..I mean I can be..but this mean that Its not that I make others suffer because of my ego its that I choose to suffer coz of my complex.

ps : lost train of thoughts..I had something more to write
pps :he wan't very close friend ..I have missed wedding of much closer friends for abs no reason..:P so not exactly repenting or anything